South Park: Avenue Q
by Kamije Celeek
Summary: Based off the musical: Stan Marsh has just graduated college and is looking to start his new life as an adult. He ends up moving to a street called Avenue Q, where he meets an odd assortment of people-a porn addict, a teaching assistant, a wannabe standup, a therapist, two closeted gay roommates, and Gary Coleman. It's an odd place, but he learns that's what growing up is...


**I'm honestly surprised this hasn't been done yet—a** _ **South Park**_ **story based off** _ **Avenue Q**_ **. Originally, I was going to add in my OC, who happens to be named Kate, but then I decided against it in favor of some Stendy. No Kyle or Kenny in this story, but I ran out of characters to cast them as.**

 **Cast:**

 **Kate Monster—Wendy Testaburger**

 **Princeton—Stan Marsh**

 **Brian—Randy Marsh**

 **Christmas Eve—Sharon Marsh**

 **Rod—Tweek Tweak**

 **Nicky—Craig Tucker**

 **Trekkie Monster—Eric Cartman**

 **The Bad-Idea Bears—Clyde Donovan and Butters Stotch**

 **Lucy the Slut—Bebe Stevens**

 **Gary Coleman—Himself**

 **Mrs. Thistletwat—Mrs. Garrison**

 **In this story, Randy, Sharon, and Stan aren't related. They all just happen to have the same last name. Also, I think some of my choices are self-explanatory if you've ever listened to the musical's soundtrack or looked up the plot.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this story.**

 _ **OWTF**_ **!**

* * *

It was a beautiful day in New York City. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and a man named Stan Marsh was walking down the street. He had just graduated from college with a B.A in English, a useless piece of paper that didn't give him a job or a place to live. In fact, that's what he was doing right now—trying to find a place to live, but everywhere was out of his price range so far.

"Avenue P—still too expensive," he sighed. "I can't believe this. Four years of college and all they did was hand me a piece of paper that said, 'congrats! Go make something of yourself because we sure as hell didn't teach you how to do it!' Goddammit…"

He finally came across a street that seemed cheaper—Avenue Q.

"Worth a shot."

On the street, a woman named Wendy Testaburger came out of her apartment to find her neighbor sitting on the steps. His name was Randy Marsh, and he seemed depressed.

"Morning, Randy!" she greeted him.

"Hi, Wendy," he sighed.

"What's wrong?" Wendy sat on the step next to him.

"The catering company laid me off."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Me, too. I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought—no, it's stupid."

"What?"

"When I was little, I thought I'd become a standup comedian on late-night TV, like Jay Leno or Jerry Seinfeld. Now I'm unemployed and turning thirty-three soon. Man, it _sucks_ to be me!"

"Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty and pretty damn smart."

"Yeah, you are!"

"Thanks! I like romantic things, and I have a gigantic heart! So why don't I have a boyfriend!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "FUCK! It sucks to be _me_!"

"It sucks to be Randy."

"And Wendy."

They both sighed. Suddenly, a couple of other neighbors—Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker—came out of their apartment sniping at each other. Wendy and Randy hopped up and Randy tapped Tweek on the shoulder.

"Tweek, Craig, could you settle something for us?" he asked.

"S-sure!" Tweek replied.

"Whose life sucks more—Randy's or mine?" Wendy inquired.

"OURS!" the roommates yelled in unison.

"We live together and we're super close," Craig began.

"But that m-means we know l-lots of ways to p-piss each other off!" Tweek added. "He leaves his clothes out and puts his f-feet on my chair!"

"Oh, yeah?! At least I'm not so anal about fucking _gnomes_ that I iron my underwear to make them less appealing!"

"You make that very small apartment we share a _Hell_!"

"So do you!"

"It sucks to be me!" all four yelled in unison.

"What's going on?" Sharon Kimble, Randy's fiancée, asked as she came out of her and Randy's apartment. "What's with all the yelling?"

"Our lives _suck_ ," Randy grumbled.

" _Your_ lives suck? Am I hearing you right? HA!" They all looked at Sharon. "I came to the city to find more opportunities, and I worked my ass off to earn TWO master's degrees in social work! Now I'm a therapist, but I don't have any clients and I have an unemployed fiancé and we have _lots of bills to pay_!"

"Look, Sharon, I'm trying to find another job!"

" _Trying_ and failing!"

"Um, excuse me?" a voice said. They all looked to see a new face that none of them recognized. "I'm looking for a place to live."

"What are you doing all the way out here?" Sharon asked.

"I started at Avenue A, but everything's been out of my price range. This place looks a lot cheaper." He spotted a sign by the door. "Hey, a 'For Rent' sign!"

"You need to talk to the superintendent," Randy replied. "Let me get him for you." He turned to a building towards the end of the road. "YO, GARY!"

"I'm COMIN'!" a voice yelled. Gary Coleman from _Diff'rent Strokes_ came out of the building. Stan's jaw dropped.

"Oh my God, it's Gary Coleman!"

"That's right!" Gary replied. "I'm Gary Coleman from _Diff'rent Strokes_. I made a lot of money, but my parents stole all of it, so now I'm broke and the superintendent of Avenue Q."

"It sucks to be you," everyone except the newcomer said.

"You win," Wendy admitted.

"This is really happening," muttered the newcomer. "This is real life."

"What's your name, kid?" Gary asked.

"I'm Stan Marsh."

"What a coincidence!" Randy cheered. "My name's Randy Marsh, and this is my fiancée, Sharon!"

"I'm Wendy," Wendy greeted Stan. Stan got a funny look on his face.

"Here's your keys," Gary stated, handing the keys to Stan.

"Welcome to Avenue Q!" everyone cheered to Stan.

"Holy shit."

* * *

 **Chapter one isn't my best work, but I'll go more in depth as we go along. This chapter was largely based off the first big musical number—"What Do You Do With a B.A in English/It Sucks To Be Me". As you can tell, I'm not doing the songs, but I** _ **will**_ **be doing very specific songs, like "Special" with Bebe.**

 **So long and thanks for all the fish!**


End file.
